Ocala Divorce Lawyer Blog

As archaic as it may sound, in the not too distant past - the preference was for the court to award primary child custody to the mother and "weekend visitation" to the the father. This model has been seriously eroded in the past 10 years or so, but still exists in many places. A recent study found, though, that the general public favors joint custody (also known in Florida as equal time-sharing), with parents sharing equally splitting the children's available time. Courts that continue to award primary custody to mothers automatically, without a good hard look at rotating custody or equal time-sharing, are going to find themselves increasingly at odds with the desires of society, the authors of the study concluded.

The researchers looked at polls and ballot initiatives and found that there was consistent public support for equal child custody. In addition, the researchers surveyed people about their feelings on child custody, and found that there was a strong preference for dividing a child's time equally between both parents.

Perhaps surprisingly, people who responded to the survey felt that equal parenting time was appropriate even in cases where there was a high level of conflict between the parents. The probably had more to do with "custodial parent" not being able to use the child as a pawn or weapon against the other parent.

Lead author Sanford L. Braver said, "The striking degree to which the public favors equal custody combined with their view that the current court system under-awards parenting time to fathers could account for past findings that the system is seriously slanted toward mothers."

The Arizona State University researchers noted an interesting aspect of the survey in which responders still preferred a 50-50 split even in hypothetical cases where the mother had provided 75% of the child care duties before the divorce, and in hypothetical cases where fathers had provided 75% of the child care pre-divorce.

If you are thinking about divorce or facing a family law related matter, please see our website for more information on your legal options or call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation. Call for your appointment today.

I had seen this list about a year ago at a Family Law meeting. I'd like to post this to my blog to remind divorcing parents that their actions and words have a direct impact on their children during a divorce. If you are going through a divorce or contested family law matter, please keep these in mind when helping your children cope with the issues that arise during the litigation.

DIVORCE RULES
Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm just a kid, so please...

1. Do not talk badly about my other parent. (This makes me feel torn apart! It also makes me feel bad about myself.)

2. Do not talk about my other parent's friends or relatives. (Let me care for someone even if you don't.)

3. Do not talk about the divorce or other grown-up stuff. (This makes me feel sick. Please leave me out of it.)

4. Do not talk about child support. (This makes me feel guilty or like I'm a possession instead of your kid.)

5. Do not make me feel bad when I enjoy time with my other parent. (This makes me afraid to tell you things.)

6. Do not block my visits or prevent me from speaking to my other parent on the phone. (This makes me very upset.)

7. Do not interrupt my time with my other parent by calling too much or by planning my activities during our time together.

8. Do not argue in front of me or on the phone when I can hear you. (This turns my stomach inside out!)

9. Do not ask me to spy for you when I'm at my other parent's home. (This makes me feel disloyal and dishonest.)

10.Do not ask me to keep secrets from my other parent. (Secrets make me feel anxious.)

11.Do not ask me questions about my other parent's life. (This makes me uncomfortable. Just let me tell you.)

12.Do not give me verbal messages to deliver to my other parent. (I end up feeling anxious about their reaction. Please call them, leave them a message at work or put a note in the mail.)

13.Do not send written messages with me or place them in my bag. (This also makes me uncomfortable.)

14.Do not blame my other parent for the divorce or for things that go wrong in your life. (This really feels terrible! I end up wanting to defend them from your attack. Sometimes it makes me feel sorry for you and want to protect you. I just want to be a kid, so please, please...stop putting me in the middle!)

15.Do not treat me like an adult. (It causes way too much stress for me.) Please find a friend or therapist to talk with.

16.Do not ignore my other parent or sit on opposite sides of the room during my school or sports activities. (This makes me feel sad and embarrassed. Please act like parents and be friendly, even if it is just for me.)

17.Do let me take items to my other home as long as I can carry them back and forth. (Otherwise it feels like you are treating me like a possession.)

18.Do not use guilt to pressure me to love you more and do not ask me where I want to live.

19.Do realize that I have two homes, not just one. (It doesn't matter how much time I spend there.) I'd also really appreciate it if you would let my other parent come into our house every now and then, because it's my home too!

20.Do let me love both of you and see each of you as much as possible!

If you are thinking about divorce or facing a family law related matter, please see our website for more information on your legal options or call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation. Call for your consultation today.

Recently, a study performed by the National Marriage Project found that 44% of American high school graduates who don't have college degrees have children born outside of marriage. That number has tripled since the '70s. Around half of those 44% are couples who are living together. Marriage is no longer a prerequisite for having children. And the social stigma of a child born out-of-wedlock as completely vanished. And we're not talking teen mothers; half of those non-marital births were to couples living together. The trend is living together and having children without the legalities of marriage.

These statistics are best exemplified by Andrew Felices, 26, and Mellissa Giles, 27, who are quickly becoming the "new face of the American Family." Andrew and Mellissa are part of a huge shift. Many are in their 20s or 30s and, like Mellissa and Andrew, welcome a child. But marriage?

"A lot of people, I think, see marriage as a piece of paper," says Mellissa. "A piece of paper that costs a lot of money to change." She laughs and explains that she means divorce. The trend of 'babies without marriage' in American culture makes it more acceptable than ever to have children outside of an intact marriage, but researchers found that unmarried parents are more likely to split-up by the time their child is five years old.

Brad Wilcox, who heads the National Marriage Project, says that for three decades, the concept of marriage before children has been steadily changing. Since the 1960s, Wilcox notes, there's been concern about the breakdown of family among the poor and African-Americans. "What's happened now," he says, "is that retreat from marriage has moved up the social ladder into the heart of American life, into Middle America."

If you are an unmarried parent and need assistance with creating a parenting plan or need help in establishing your parental rights, please call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation. Call for your consultation today.

I have included some helpful tips to assist in making it through the holiday season either during or after divorce. Time-sharing with the children during this period of time often creates the most turmoil during the divorce process. I hope this list helps.

1. No fighting about the holidays in front of the children. This should go without saying, but sometimes a reminder helps. Also, please don't use the children to pass messages back and forth. Usually during the holiday season both parents feel that they are getting the "short end of the stick." Remember. the time sharing arrangement varies from year to year, so if you did not get Christmas eve this year, it should be yours next year. Just remember to keep the kids out of the fighting over holiday time sharing.

2. Try to be flexible with holiday time-sharing. With family and friends coming in for the holidays - there are often requests to switch days or just periods of time. Remembering that this is is a special time for the children to see out-of-town relatives, might make it more palatable to switch days or evenings around.

3. Do something fun for yourself - if you don't have that particular holiday, like Thanksgiving or Christmas with the kids - finds something fun to do. Maybe spend the night close to a big shopping mall and get there really early (think Florida Mall hotel right next to the Florida Mall). Visit a Bed and Breakfast in St. Augustine and just roam around the little shops and boutiques. Schedule a manicure or pedicure - for a spa day. Watch marathon football or chick flicks and stock up on the popcorn. Maybe a hunting trip with a buddy. Visit the Appleton or Harn museum or go to an art show. A trip to the bookstore for coffee and browse through magazines. The choices are endless and there are always many free or next to free things to do in Central Florida during the holiday period.

4. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Those same people who helped see you through the divorce, can also help see you through the holiday season. It is never a good idea to isolate yourself during the holidays. Getting out and socializing with others can even take your mind off your problems as you enjoy the company of those who love you.

5. Create new "traditions" for yourself: if you always did particular things with your former- spouse and children, it would be extremely helpful to create new traditions that you do with yourself or that you do with children. Going to Church or Synagogue, visit friends and family, get the tree out early and start decorating. Being alone does not mean being lonely. Enjoy some of the free time that you didn't have before. Consider doing something completely different from previous years. If you are alone this year think about taking a trip or spending time with friends out of town. If you have your children, consider celebrating the holiday in a different location, in the mountains or at the beach.

6. Give your children the gift of a guilt-free holiday season. This gift is absolutely priceless. Don't make them responsible for your happiness or entertainment. Don't spend so much money that you feel "taken advantage of." Children would rather have a holiday with a fun-filled parent than one with lots of presents and a parent who is angry, overwhelmed and resentful.

7. Celebrate Thanksgiving/Christmas more than once. Just because a holiday falls on a particular day, doesn't mean it can't be celebrated on a different day. If you will not be with your children on a holiday, call or send a gift or card to make contact with them, then celebrate with them on the next day that you are together. Most children love celebrating holidays more than once.

8. Please don't wait until the last minutes to make time-sharing arrangements or changes to the schedule. If you realize that you and your former spouse are very far apart in agreeing on the time-sharing schedule, waiting to the last minute may make it impossible to get into court. Try your best to work it out yourselves. Negotiate and communicate with your former spouse. Try to keep reactivity to a minimum. Remember to put the children first.

9. Don't over indulge in alcohol or other drugs. Holiday time can sometimes be painful, but anesthetizing emotional pain with chemicals only creates more depression and leads to a greater sense of hopelessness and isolation.

10. Focus on the positive. Say hopeful and optimistic things to yourself and aloud. Remember that Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas are about being thankful and miracles. Fill yourself with thankfulness and appreciate the miracle that after so much pain that we can heal emotionally when given the opportunity. Move past anger, bitterness and resentfulness. If we focus on the positive and the best possibilities, these are usually what we get. If we focus on the negative and brace ourselves for the worst possible outcome, this is also what we usually get.

If you are thinking about divorce or facing a family law related matter, please see our website for more information on your legal options or call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

I have noticed in my Ocala family law practice that more and more Grandparents are raising their grandchildren, either by an informal agreement or by seeking a court order for Custody by Extended Family Member pursuant to Florida Statute 751. This was recently validated in a new study produced by the Pew Research Center, using U.S. Census Bureau data, shows that one in every ten children in the United States is living with a grandparent. The numbers have been rising sharply since 2008, the first year of the current recession.

This trend to any Florida attorney practicing family law has been inescapable. The study noted that 41% of the children who live with a grandparent are being raised primarily by that grandparent. While the numbers rose from 2000 to 2006, they definitely spiked ast the economy worsened in 2007 and 2008. An article from the Examiner stated that in Florida, the US Census Bureau indicate that 2% of all children under the age of 18 (64,500 kids) were living in skipped generation grandfamilies in Florida as of 2007."

The Pew Report found that Grandparent-parents are 62% female, and 38% male. Two-thirds of grandparent caregivers are married, while 34% are not. Most grandparents who care for their grandchildren have been doing so for quite a long time. More than half (54%) report that they have been the primary caregiver to at least one grandchild for three years or more, and 23% have been the primary caregiver to a grandchild for between one and two years.

All in all the grandparent caregivers tend to be relatively young -- most (67%) are younger than age 60, and 13% are younger than 45. This makes sense, since younger grandparents are more likely to be physically able to meet the needs of grandchildren on a daily basis. Sadly, Grandparent caregivers tend to have very limited financial resources. Nearly one in five (18%) is living below the poverty line.

If you are Grandparent seeking information on your legal options for custody of your grandchild, please call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We have helped many Grandparents successfully obtain custody their grandchildren under Florida Statute 751 (Custody by Extended Family Member). We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

The American Psychiatric Association has a hot potato on its hands as reported by the San Francisco Chronicle as the American Psychiatric Association updates its catalog of mental disorders -- whether to include parental alienation, a disputed term conveying how a child's relationship with one estranged parent can be poisoned by the other.

There's broad agreement that this sometimes occurs, usually triggered by a divorce and child-custody dispute. But there's bitter debate over whether the phenomenon should be formally classified as a mental health syndrome -- a question now before the psychiatric association as it prepares the first complete revision since 1994 of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The psychiatric association first published its manual of diagnostic disorders, known as the DSM, in 1952. The last major revision was published in 1994 and updated in 2000, and the fifth edition -- DSM-5 -- is due for publication in May 2013.

Work groups in various fields have been reviewing numerous proposals for additions to the 283 disorders in the current edition. Parental alienation remains on a list of proposals that are subject to further review, though it did not pass muster with the work group dealing with childhood and adolescent disorders.

Dr. William Bernet, a psychiatry professor at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, said it was "flatly ridiculous" for the APA to contend there is not enough information available to warrant including parental alienation in the DSM. He cited legal developments and new research in numerous foreign countries. His proposal defines parental alienation disorder as "a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high conflict divorce, allies himself or herself strongly with one parent, and rejects a relationship with the other parent, without legitimate justification."

If you need assistance with your divorce or family law matter, please call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

The Florida 3rd District Court of Appeals found that prohibiting Gay Adoption was unconstitutional because the statute violates equal protection provision of article I, section 2 of Florida Constitution, and that there is no rational basis for statute . See: FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF CHILDREN AND FAMILIES, vs. IN RE: MATTER OF ADOPTION OF X.X.G. AND N.R.G., Fla. 3rd DCA. Case No. 3D08-3044. L.T. Case No. 06-33881. Opinion filed September 22, 2010.

The entire question in the case is whether the adoption should have been denied because F.G. the prospective adoptive parent is a homosexual. Under Florida law, a homosexual person is allowed to be a foster parent. F.G. has successfully served as a foster parent for the children since 2004. However, Florida law states, "No person eligible to adopt under this statute [the Florida Adoption Act] may adopt if that person is a homosexual." § 63.042(3), Fla. Stat. (2006). According to the judgment, "Florida is the only remaining state to expressly ban all gay adoptions without exception." Circuit Court Judge Cindy Lederman, after lengthy hearings, concluded that there is no rational basis for the statute. The District Court of Appeals agreed and affirmed the final judgment of adoption.

Under the Florida Constitution, each individual person has a right to equal protection of the laws. The constitutional provision states, in part:

SECTION 2. Basic rights. -- All natural persons, female and male alike, are equal before the law and have inalienable rights, among which are the right to enjoy and defend life and liberty, to pursue happiness, to be rewarded for industry, and to acquire, possess and protect property . . . . Art. I, § 2, Fla. Const.

The District Court of Appeals opined the contradiction that gay people face when trying to adopt -- that given a total ban on adoption by homosexual persons, one might expect that this reflected a legislative judgment that homosexual persons are, as a group, unfit to be parents. Yet, no one in this case has made, or even hinted at, any such argument. To the contrary, the parties agree "that gay people and heterosexuals make equally good parents. "The qualities that make a particular applicant the optimal match for a particular child could exist in a heterosexual or gay person." Thus in this case no one attempts to justify the prohibition on homosexual adoption on any theory that homosexual persons are unfit to be parents.

Continue reading "Florida 3rd DCA Holds Prohibiting Gay Adoption Unconstitutional" »

Ocala Divorce and Family Law Attorney Assists in Creating Parenting Plans

Warm, cooperative co-parenting between mothers and fathers may help protect children who are at risk for some types of behavior problems, a new study suggests. Researchers with the Department of Human Development and Family Science at Ohio State University. found that supportive co-parenting helped children who have difficulty regulating their behavior and attention levels - what researchers call "effortful control."

The study looked at changes in children's level of aggressive behavior and other forms of "acting out" as they went from 4 years old to 5 years old. Results showed that children who had low levels of effortful control generally showed increases in these negative behaviors over the course of the year - unless their parents had a supportive co-parenting relationship.

Divorce is an end to marriage -- but not an end to parenting for couples who have had kids together. If you need assistance with your family law matter or would like to discuss a Florida Parenting Plan, please call Ocala Divorce and Family Law attorney at the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

No two families are alike. They come in different sizes, shapes, colors and genders. More and more people are accepting that families don't mean a "Father, Mother and 2.2 children" anymore. We as a culture have expanded our definition of what makes a "family." We see Grandparents raising their children's children. We see many one-parent families. And we are seeing a rise in same-sex couple families.

An article published in the NY Times references a survey conducted that shows that a majority of Americans now say their definition of family includes same-sex couples with children, as well as married gay and lesbian couples.

Prof. Stephanie Coontz of Evergreen State College in Washington, director of research and public education at the Council on Contemporary Families, a research and advocacy group, said that "Americans seem to be open to seeing same-sex couples with children as families, even while they hesitate to recognize their unions as marriage."

David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values, a marriage research and advocacy group, said he was not surprised by the findings. "I like the standard definition of family: two or more persons related by blood, marriage or adoption," Mr. Blankenhorn said. "Keeps it simple and coherent."

If you have a family law matter, regardless of how your family is made-up, we can help. We have handled many Grandparent rights/custody issues, Divorce issues, Father's rights issues, and GLBT issues. We can help if you are facing a family law issue.

Please call Ocala Divorce Lawyer to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

Divorce is an end to marriage -- but not an end to parenting for couples who have had kids together. For them, divorce is the beginning of a new, lengthy relationship that can either be full of tension or cooperation. If you need assistance with your family law matter, please call the Law Office of Anne E. Raduns, PA to find out how we can help. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

Is there a way to have a kinder, gentler divorce without much hostility and fighting? Yes! There is a movement now across the US to help couples and their children divorce without the battles typically associated with divorce. An article from the Democrat and Chronicle discussed the advantages of Collaborative Divorce.

Participants in the Collaborative Divorce process found that it was very helpful because the first priority was the children, or that it was a friendly way to things without killing each other.

Collaborative Law Divorce is a process that enables divorcing parties, each represented by counsel, to resolve the parties' differences in a non-adversarial environment. Collaborative divorce has been described by some as a softer, gentler technique for divorcing couples who need zealous legal representation, but also place a premium on avoiding litigation. Other professionals may be brought in such as a Financial Planner, Accountant, or Mental Health Professional to help the parties reach a peaceful and fair agreement that works with their family.

Judges have praised the Collaborative Divorce process commenting that, "it that teaches divorcing parents how to contain their struggles to protect their children," further endorsed the collaborative divorce process for "combining legal counseling with any other needed services, such as a mediator, financial planner, mental health professional or child specialist."

If you are facing or thinking about divorce, and want more information, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

I am often asked by a frustrated parent, can my child talk to the Judge about whether he/she wants to be with the other parent? The answer, unless the child is 15, 16 or 17 years old, is probably "no." There are some exceptions but they are few and far between.

However, whatever the reason for the for the parent's request, it is most often because the parents feel that their children should be able to speak to the Judge so that he/she will know what the child's thoughts and desires are concerning their living arrangements. The problem is that most judges typically do not want to subject the children to the litigation and testimony process unless it is an extreme situation.

There are other alternatives to having a child testify to the Judge about his/her desires. One of the best ways to get the child's "voice" heard before the court is either through a child psychologist or through a guardian ad litem. A guardian ad litem (an attorney hired to represent the child's best interests) and can testify if necessary as to what the child wishes to do and what is his/her best interest.

The single most important reason that Judges do not let the children talk about where they want to live is that Judges do not want a child to be put in a position of choosing between two parents. It is the job of the judge to determine the best interests of the child. Nevertheless, the court will let the attorney know if he/she wants to talk to the child after the attorney files the appropriate motion requesting testimony of the minor child. The Judge will either grant the motion (meaning that the child can talk to the Judge) or deny the motion (meaning that the Judge will not speak with the child).

If you are thinking about divorce or need help with your family law matter, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

According to Florida's recent legislation concerning temporary and concurrent custody of a child, effective July 1, 2010, military parents can feel that they are not losing any important parental rights knowing that the bill states:

-Parents assigned to military service on orders may designate a person to exercise time-sharing on that parent's behalf.

-Parents assigned to military service may petition for expedited hearings.

-Requires non-military parent to cooperate to resolve issues and share information regarding the child.

-Protects military parents that object to custody modifications and allows them to state their objection formally, prior to any final order being awarded.

-States that any order granting concurrent custody does not affect ability of the other parent to obtain physical custody of child at any time.

To read the general bill and/or receive additional information, please visit MyFloridaHouse.gov.

If you are in the Military, either active or reserve, and need assistance with creating a parenting plan, please call us to talk your case. Visit our website or call the office to schedule your low-cost consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

I frequently have conversations with prospective clients that go something like this:
Me: what kind of parenting time do you have?
Prospective client: we have shared custody?
Me: you have equal time-sharing?
Prospective client: yes, I have every other weekend.
Me: do you mean you have "shared parental responsibility"?
Prospective client: I'm not sure what I have, except I have every other weekend.

Most people get confused with the terms that our Florida Statutes, Lawyers and Courts use in describing parenting-time and parental responsibility. Here is a quick overview of what they are and what they mean.

For many years, the courts in Florida have embraced the idea that a child of divorced parents should have both parents confer with each and make joint decisions about things like after-school activities, medical care, religious upbringing and a whole host of things that relate to the care and well-being and raising of a child. The court did not find it desirable to have the "custodial" parent making all those important child-rearing decisions without input from the other parent.

So, under Chapter 61, Florida Statutes, the court will typically require that the divorcing/divorced parents have "shared parental responsibility." Sometimes this is also casually referred to as, "joint parental responsibility," This is where the confusion starts. "Joint Parental Responsibility" is not the same as "Joint Custody" or "Shared Custody." Joint custody is where each parent has "custody" of the child for roughly equal lengths of time. There is definitely a trend towards parents having "equal time sharing," but the day is still not here when the court finds 50/50 custody is the starting place for creating a parenting plan. In my practice, I see the trend more and more but only about 60% of the families I work with end up with a workable equal-parenting time arrangement.

So, "shared parental responsibility" or "joint parental responsibility" may sound like "Joint Custody" or "Shared Custody," but they are just not same things. With "shared parental responsibility," both parents keep all their decision-making rights and responsibilities. This also means that the parents must consult and confer with each other on matters concerning the welfare and best interests of the child, especially on major decision. When it comes to medical care or education, these decisions should be made jointly, if possible, after the parents have talked to each other.

Nevertheless, in a typical dissolution of marriage case, there is usually one parent that will have more overnights with the child than the other parent. This was previously referred to as the "primary custodial parent." But when the statutes changed, the legislature removed any term relating to "custody." Now we have 2 parents, children, and parenting-time. There is no custody or primary residence anymore. Yet none of these nomenclature changes in our Statutes take away from the fact that both parents share in the parental rights and responsibilities for the child.

If you have questions about parenting plans or time-sharing schedules, or just need more information about divorce or paternity cases, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

If only life was really like The Brady Bunch. An easily blended family, no exes to complicate matters, minor disturbances that are resolved with a great little moral lesson. In actuality, real life mirrors what was going on behind the scenes of The Brady Bunch show - complicated, passionate, and sometimes stormy. So introducing a new romantic partner after divorce or death is a situation that may not go as smoothly as when Carol and Bob met. It is a decision that warrants a lot of thought.

When you meet someone new, your initial instinct will be to want them to meet your children. Your kids are central, important and and in many ways the main loves of your lives! It may feel odd to keep a relationship separate from them. It may feel sneaky. You may be inclined to resolve this by having your new lover hang out and share in activities with your children as a new "friend". Right? Wrong!!! These reactions are completely understandable but remember, not all are instincts are best followed. Children are no dummies - even children under three will register the different energy present with a platonic vs. non-platonic friend. Furthermore, if there was an extramarital affair involved with this partner your children will be aware consciously or unconsciously regardless of being told explicitly. So don't kid yourself.

A good rule of thumb is wait to introduce your children to your romantic interest until the relationship reaches six months of seriously seeing one another. This guideline protects kids from experiencing the inevitable romantic ups and downs of a new relationships and of having another potential loss. Shielding your children from the early stages of your relationship will require sacrifice on your part; keeping your private life private takes energy, planning and giving up time with your new lover. It is not lying, it is not sneaky, it is privacy - necessary privacy.

Children have very mixed feelings about new relationships. They may feel disloyal to the other parent if they have fun with this new person. They become jealous of sharing your time. They may feel uncomfortable because the sexual energy present with a new relationship is different than that of their married parents. It is not as if kids cannot develop meaningful relationships with girlfriends or boyfriends after divorce -- of course they can -- but the more thoughtful consideration on your part the better the chances for your children to adapt to the new situation.

It is in your child's best interest to wait and see if this looks like a relationship that will have sticking power to withstand the pressures of step parenting and blending families. Once the six month mark has come and gone, you are ready to begin integrating this person in to your family. Inform your ex of all developments. If he/she introduces your children to a new relationship as well, try to be as generous as you can -- keep all complicated feelings to yourself. Your reaction will play a huge role in your kids openness to accept this new person and to experience less conflict over loyalty.

The first kid-new-partner meeting should be activity based. Do something together, a movie, bowling, ice skating -- something that comes with distinct time limits and allows your child to ease in to the meeting with focus on the activity rather than "getting to know" your new lover. Gauge your child's readiness as you decide the frequency of these get-togethers -- keeping in mind that slow is always better in these matters. In terms of sleep overs and joint vacations, especially if other children are involved, take it very slowly. No one has ever complained that they wish they had moved faster on integrating families -- on the contrary, most difficulties come from rushing in with idyllic expectations. Consider yourself very lucky if all goes smoothly as life is not The Brady Bunch.

To talk to us about your case, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation.

This has been cross-posted by permission of the author. Full credit goes to Lisa Spiegel and her insightful and inspiring SoHo Parenting - a Center for parenting and the emotional health of the whole family. To see the original blog post, please visit http://www.sohoparenting.com/blog/2009/11/divorce/