Ocala Divorce Lawyer Blog

If only life was really like The Brady Bunch. An easily blended family, no exes to complicate matters, minor disturbances that are resolved with a great little moral lesson. In actuality, real life mirrors what was going on behind the scenes of The Brady Bunch show - complicated, passionate, and sometimes stormy. So introducing a new romantic partner after divorce or death is a situation that may not go as smoothly as when Carol and Bob met. It is a decision that warrants a lot of thought.

When you meet someone new, your initial instinct will be to want them to meet your children. Your kids are central, important and and in many ways the main loves of your lives! It may feel odd to keep a relationship separate from them. It may feel sneaky. You may be inclined to resolve this by having your new lover hang out and share in activities with your children as a new "friend". Right? Wrong!!! These reactions are completely understandable but remember, not all are instincts are best followed. Children are no dummies - even children under three will register the different energy present with a platonic vs. non-platonic friend. Furthermore, if there was an extramarital affair involved with this partner your children will be aware consciously or unconsciously regardless of being told explicitly. So don't kid yourself.

A good rule of thumb is wait to introduce your children to your romantic interest until the relationship reaches six months of seriously seeing one another. This guideline protects kids from experiencing the inevitable romantic ups and downs of a new relationships and of having another potential loss. Shielding your children from the early stages of your relationship will require sacrifice on your part; keeping your private life private takes energy, planning and giving up time with your new lover. It is not lying, it is not sneaky, it is privacy - necessary privacy.

Children have very mixed feelings about new relationships. They may feel disloyal to the other parent if they have fun with this new person. They become jealous of sharing your time. They may feel uncomfortable because the sexual energy present with a new relationship is different than that of their married parents. It is not as if kids cannot develop meaningful relationships with girlfriends or boyfriends after divorce -- of course they can -- but the more thoughtful consideration on your part the better the chances for your children to adapt to the new situation.

It is in your child's best interest to wait and see if this looks like a relationship that will have sticking power to withstand the pressures of step parenting and blending families. Once the six month mark has come and gone, you are ready to begin integrating this person in to your family. Inform your ex of all developments. If he/she introduces your children to a new relationship as well, try to be as generous as you can -- keep all complicated feelings to yourself. Your reaction will play a huge role in your kids openness to accept this new person and to experience less conflict over loyalty.

The first kid-new-partner meeting should be activity based. Do something together, a movie, bowling, ice skating -- something that comes with distinct time limits and allows your child to ease in to the meeting with focus on the activity rather than "getting to know" your new lover. Gauge your child's readiness as you decide the frequency of these get-togethers -- keeping in mind that slow is always better in these matters. In terms of sleep overs and joint vacations, especially if other children are involved, take it very slowly. No one has ever complained that they wish they had moved faster on integrating families -- on the contrary, most difficulties come from rushing in with idyllic expectations. Consider yourself very lucky if all goes smoothly as life is not The Brady Bunch.

To talk to us about your case, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation, all of which is credited back to your account if we accept your case.

This has been cross-posted by permission of the author. Full credit goes to Lisa Spiegel and her insightful and inspiring SoHo Parenting - a Center for parenting and the emotional health of the whole family. To see the original blog post, please visit http://www.sohoparenting.com/blog/2009/11/divorce/

There are times when Domestic Violence Injunctions are truly necessary. Then there are times when an Injunction is being used as a "sword" and not a "shield." The court must find, when an Injunction is entered properly, that the Petitioner had been a victim of Domestic Violence or is in imminent fear of become a victim of Domestic Violence. See Oettmeier v. Oetmeier, 960 So.2d 902 (32 Fla. L. Weekly D1743); Moore v. Hall, 786 So.2d 1264 (Fla. 2d DCA 2001); Gustafson v. Mauck, 743 So.2d 614, (Fla. 1st DCA 1999); Cleary v. Cleary, 711 So.2d 1302 (Fla. 2d DCA 1988). The court can use additional criteria as enumerated in Florida Statute 741.30 to determine whether the imminent fear of become a victim of domestic violence is reasonable. The statute reads: "In determining whether a petitioner has reasonable cause to believe he or she is in imminent danger of becoming a victim of domestic violence, the court shall consider and evaluate all relevant factors alleged in the petition, including, but not limited to:
1. The history between the petitioner and the respondent, including threats, harassment, stalking, and physical abuse.
2. Whether the respondent has attempted to harm the petitioner or family members or individuals closely associated with the petitioner.
3. Whether the respondent has threatened to conceal, kidnap, or harm the petitioner's child or children.
4. Whether the respondent has intentionally injured or killed a family pet.
5. Whether the respondent has used, or has threatened to use, against the petitioner any weapons such as guns or knives.
6. Whether the respondent has physically restrained the petitioner from leaving the home or calling law enforcement.
7. Whether the respondent has a criminal history involving violence or the threat of violence.
8. The existence of a verifiable order of protection issued previously or from another jurisdiction.
9. Whether the respondent has destroyed personal property, including, but not limited to, telephones or other communications equipment, clothing, or other items belonging to the petitioner.
10. Whether the respondent engaged in any other behavior or conduct that leads the petitioner to have reasonable cause to believe that he or she is in imminent danger of becoming a victim of domestic violence."

In a recently decided case, the Court in Malchan v. Howard, --- So.3d ----, 2010 WL 787800 (Fla. 4th DCA, 2010) held that "A court may issue an injunction when it appears that the petitioner is either the victim of domestic violence or 'has reasonable cause to believe he or she is in imminent danger of becoming a victim of domestic violence.' " Ambrefe v. Ambrefe, 993 So.2d 98, 98 (Fla. 2d DCA 2008) (quoting section 741.30(1)(a), Florida Statutes). In determining whether the victim's fear is reasonable, "the trial court must consider the current allegations, the parties' behavior within the relationship, and the history of the relationship as a whole. Giallanza v. Giallanza, 787 So.2d 162, 164 (Fla. 2d DCA 2001) (citing Gustafson v. Mauck, 743 So.2d 614, 616 (Fla. 1st DCA 1999)). In the Malchan case, the mother failed to present sufficient evidence that she had a reasonable fear of imminent danger of domestic violence. Her only basis for requesting the injunction was a disputed incident three years before and a subjective fear that her anticipated request for child support might cause Malchan to become angry. Additionally, the court in Moore v. Hall, 786 So.2d 1264, 1266-67 (Fla. 2d DCA 2001), held a pushing incident, coupled with a knife in a statuette, was insufficient to support the issuance of an injunction when it occurred twelve years prior and there had been no further violence or threats.

As you can see by the case law, there needs to be a direct connection between the imminent fear and the threat of violence. It's not enough to say, "I'm just afraid he/she is going to hurt me." There has to be something that happened in close proximity to the filing of the Petition for the Protection Against Domestic Violence. Merely subjective fear does not meet that threshold.

To talk to us about your case, please visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation, all of which is credited back to your account if we accept your case.

I frequently hear prospective or current clients telling me about how their soon-to-be-ex or former spouse is engaging in disparaging comments about them. I reassure them that taking the "high road," rather than acting "in kind," is the healthiest for the children. Normally, after the emotions of divorce begin to fade, so do the hurtful comments from one parent about the other. However, the parent engaging in the negative behavior may be purposefully encouraging a child to disengage with the other parent and/or denigrate the other parent. Typical methods include: badmouthing the parent, denying visitation rights through geographical relocation or other means, using the psychological threat of detachment, and withdrawing affection and other tactics. There reaches a point when the mere "bad mouthing" turns more serious and becomes Parental Alienation.

Parental Alienation is extremely complex and difficult to assess -- especially initially. Two very good resources may be The Florida Bar article by Michael Bone and Michael Walsh that come out in 1999. The other is Michael Bone's website that deals exclusively with Parental Alienation and the Florida Court system. I have worked with Dr. Bone on some rather difficult PAS cases and he is an absolute expert in his field! It should be specifically noted that in 2000, in Tampa, J. Michael Bone, Ph.D. was directly involved in a "Frye Hearing" as was Richard Gardner, M.D. along with Richard Warshack, Ph.D. The court ruled that PAS was accepted in the professional scientific community and did meet the Frye standard.

In a parental alienation situation when one parent uses tactics of hostility with a child, the dynamics of time-sharing changes dramatically. A child may act-out to prevent time-sharing with the "targeted" parent. A new time-sharing arrangement evaluation may be in the best future interests of the child. This may mean giving the targeted parent the most overnights, to offset the effects of PAS. Enlisting the advice of an expert, someone like Dr. Bone, well versed in this type of damaging behavior, can help a parent with an alienated child evaluate their options and pursue some therapeutic remedies. Equally as important is having legal counsel who has worked in this field and can help discuss various legal remedies.

It is vitally important that these matters are handled with extreme sensitivity, care and professionalism to ensure the best interests of the child. The welfare of children is of utmost importance to the law office of Anne E. Raduns, PA. Frequently, the children are forgotten as parents fight for child custody rights and wage child custody battles. The law office of Anne E. Raduns PA is a staunch advocate of protecting the best interests of children to develop stable, consistent relationships with the adults in their lives whenever possible.

Responsible parents have the right to have a positive, loving relationship with their children. And, children deserve to grow up in a psychologically healthy relationship with their parents. Too often Florida child support and time-sharing rights become the issues former spouses use to vent their anger and hostility. As research suggests, emotional dysfunction for the child can follow him or her far into their future relationships with others. The healthiest children grow up with two loving parents fully present in their lives, even if the parents are divorced. Divorce should not make either person any less of a parent!

If parental alienation has affected you, please call us to discuss your case or visit our website or call the office to schedule your initial consultation. We employ a client based approach, which means that we are selective in the cases we take so that we can be available to our clients. We spend time with you to thoroughly understand the facts of your case, so that we can provide you with a comprehensive and realistic legal evaluation. Our process begins with a half-hour low-cost consultation, all of which is credited back to your account if we accept your case.