As a divorce attorney I see this scenerio play out repeatedly in the context of what religion are the children going to be raised:
A custody battle between parents has erupted in a firestorm over religion and the boundaries of faith and the law. The couple live in the Chicago area and was reported by CBS and the Sun-Times.
It's the story of Joseph Reyes and Rebecca Shapiro; he's Catholic, she's Jewish. They married in 2004. Because Rebecca came from a deeply religious family, Joseph agreed to convert to Judaism but, according to him, he continued to practice Catholicism.
Both said they were open-minded about religion, but the story begins to diverge there. According to Joseph, because Rebecca came from a deeply religious family, her parents wouldn't accept their daughter marrying a gentile. Rebecca denies that, and said that she was OK with his religion as long as he agreed to build a Jewish home.
Their wedding was a traditional Jewish affair. They signed a ketubah, a Hebrew marriage contract, and held the wedding ceremony under a huppa, a ceremonial canopy that symbolizes the creation of a Jewish household.
They broke a glass, danced the hora --these are customary in Jewish weddings, and began their lives together. But the marriage began to go south --the reasons why are not the issue, but the long and the short of it was as Rebecca said, "we just didn't see the world the same. We had different expectations for what two people in love should act like."
But by this time, they'd had a daughter, Ela, born in November 2006. On this front, both parents agree that she is a perfect little angel. But she also became the center of a bitter custody battle over what religion to raise her in. By Rebecca's account, the couple agreed to raise her Jewish, which meant frequent trips to the synagogue, sending Ela to a Jewish preschool, and celebrating Jewish holidays.
Joseph tells a different story, denying that he had agreed to have a Jewish home and raise Jewish kids, claiming that religion was not a significant part of their life. But Rebecca says not only did Joseph convert to Judaism after Ela was born, he even underwent a "ritualized circumcision." Joseph says he subjected himself to that "because I loved my wife. And I wanted to see her happy. And I wanted to put us in the situation where being married to me wasn't problematic to her parents."
Joseph, incidentally, blames Rebecca's parents as a contributing factor to the decline of their marriage.
They divorce was recently finalized. She got the home, the car and custody of their child.
Last November, Rebecca opened an e-mail from her then estranged husband and was shocked to learn that Joseph had taken their daughter to be baptized in the Catholic Church. Photos were attached in the e-mail with a caption: "Taken of our beautiful daughter on the day of her baptism."
That didn't sit well with Rebecca, who suspects Joseph did that just to punish her:
Joseph says that's not true. He claimed the baptism was "an insurance policy on the soul. That's not indoctrination." Catholicism is important to him, he said. Besides, he asserted, "if Rebecca is as solid in her beliefs as she's purporting to be ... then the baptism is nothing more than some harmless sprinkling of water on a child's head."
After the surprise baptism, Rebecca got a Circuit Court judge to take the unusual step of temporarily barring Joseph from exposing their child to any religion other than Judaism on the grounds it could cause "irreparable harm." But Joseph defied the order by taking his daughter to Mass --with a television news crew in tow.
Rebecca's lawyers demanded that Joseph be held in criminal contempt, a charge that carries a maximum punishment of six months in jail if convicted. She says this is not about religion but parenting and a parental contract that he violated.
She fired back by asking the judge in their divorce case to prevent Joseph from raising the child in any faith other than Judaism. She said failure to restrain Joseph would cause their daughter "irreparable harm."
Cook County Circuit Court Judge Edward Jordan OK'd the temporary restraining order and the First District Appellate Court tossed out Joseph Reyes' appeal. Joseph's attorney, Joel Brodsky, said, "I cannot see how taking a child to baptism or to church can ever be a harm to the child. It's a loving experience." But Rebecca Reyes saw it differently. Through her attorney, she's asked that Joseph be jailed for up to six months for violating the court order. In court Tuesday, Joseph Reyes was formally charged with criminal contempt.
"It doesn't feel good that's for certain. I'm really doing nothing more than being the best dad I can to my daughter," he said. "And that somehow it resulted in criminal charges is demoralizing and a bit insulting." Rebecca Reyes was not in court, but her attorney spoke for her. Laura Ashmore said, "Our client has confidence in the judicial system and she wants to try her case in court and not in the media."
Before Joseph Reyes was arraigned, the judge who granted the temporary restraining order barring him from exposing his daughter to any religion other than Judaism took himself off the case. That happened after Joseph exercised his right to ask for a substitution of judge.
If Joseph Reyes is found in violation of the restraining order, he could face as much as six months in jail and a $500 fine. Next month, Joseph Reyes' attorney plans to move to have the contempt charge dismissed, arguing the judge didn't have the right to rule on a matter of religious faith.
The couple, who met through Joseph Reyes' boxing coach, married in 2004. Joseph Reyes said that after their daughter was born he converted to Judaism, but only because he felt pressured by his wife's family. He felt torn during the marriage about whether to introduce the toddler to his religion or wait for her to discover it on her own.
"Rebecca pushed me in the direction of waiting to come by it on her own," he said, insisting again there was no agreement to raise the girl Jewish. "Maybe Rebecca decided unilaterally, but I never signed on to that."
The couple separated in 2008, and after a 7-month stretch in which he didn't see the girl, Joseph Reyes took his estranged wife to court.
On Tuesday, as the divorce case continues, Rebecca Reyes has sole custody of Ela, with Joseph Reyes taking his daughter every other weekend and every Thursday for dinner.
Ela attends a Jewish pre-school, Joseph Reyes said. "I have no problem with that. ... If anything, I encourage Ela to see different perspectives."
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